Saturday, March 24, 2007

How To Make 20 Years Of Marriage

In the day of internet at any given time you can find hundreds and hundreds of ads to help your marriage succeed. There are books, tapes, DVDs, counsellors and lessons of every different kind. I decided to write a short article on what I think has helped my marriage to succeed for the last twenty years. Don’t get me wrong. I believe there is value in the information we find but I thought I would share what made my relationship so successful. These are in no means necessarily in any order.

1. Communication
Communication is one of the most important parts in maintaining a successful relationship. It is important to always keep the lines open. You or your partner might not always like what they are seeing but it’s important to convey that to one another. Make sure the communication goes both ways though. It can’t always be problems that you’re communicating about. You have to make sure you communicate about the good things as well.

2. Honesty
Lying is a great way to head a marriage into a disaster. No matter how big or small a lie is a lie. The marriage has to be open enough that you can convey anything to your partner. If you feel a need to lie then there is a weakness in your marriage. Once you start lying and get away with it then the lies will continue eventually leading to disaster and very possibly a break up.

3. Trust
If you don’t trust your partner then you have to figure out why and see if the issue can be resolved. If it can’t be then the time has come for both of you to walk away. It is so important to have trust. You or your partner has to have time away from each other. Those are the times when trust is the most evident. If you can’t let your partner go out for a night with his or her buddies without calling them on the cell phone all night or continuously wondering what they are doing then you better get this resolved. It might work for a while but eventually things will come to an ugly screeching halt.

4. I Love You
This is a phrase I must have used millions of times in my twenty years of marriage. It is so important to tell your partner that you love them. After twenty years they know but still need to hear it. I never hang up the phone without saying it. I never go to bed without saying it. You can’t be embarrassed to say those three words. Hell I have even yelt them out in the mall before more than once.

5. Show Affection
In order for a marriage to last that long you have to keep the affection strong. You have to maintain a healthy sex life. If things go wrong there it is important to figure out why and deal with it. You have to be able to give your spouse hugs and kisses. And you have to be able to show your affection in public. I don’t mean that you should act like a bunch of teenagers but on a walk you should still hold hands and be able to give each other a kiss.

Twenty years of marriage at times feels like a roller coaster. There will be good and bad times. How you handle these times is whist will direct your marriage. What’s important is that you never give up. It’s too easy now a day to just walk away but I take a lot more pride in never giving up and always fighting for what I believe in.

Dale has been happily married for twenty years. He has started a new interactive relationship blog that can be checked out at two other blogs that may be of some interest are and his second passion after his wife is writing.

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